


Madly and Deeply

by MySweetDeaky



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Character Death, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Sad Roger Taylor (Queen), Spirits
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:42:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27632915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MySweetDeaky/pseuds/MySweetDeaky
Summary: John has died in a plane crash and Roger has lost the love of his life, but as neither can really let go Deaky may have to return and help his beloved through this heart breaking time.
Relationships: John Deacon/Roger Taylor
Comments: 8
Kudos: 23





	Madly and Deeply

**Author's Note:**

> I don't want to give too much away in the summary. Hope you like this. I cried writing it.  
> You may need tissues at the ready.

"What time are we supposed to be at Roger's?" Brian had called Freddie to make sure he wasn't the first to arrive.

"He said 7 pm. I think?" Freddie searched through his diary. "Yeah, 7 PM. Bring the wine, I've written down. Anything else you can think of?"

Brian sighed on the other end of the phone. "What are we going to say to him? I feel so bad." Brian shook his head even though the singer couldn't see him. "It's all so sad."

"He seemed okay the other day. I saw him for a coffee and he was looking forward to us coming over." The singer was late for an appointment and needed to get off the phone but he didn't want to cut Brian off.

"Yeah, I guess." Brian tried to sound positive but ever since they had lost their friend and bassist John Deacon nothing felt as if would ever be the same. For one thing, Roger's heartbroken appearance at the funeral where Brian and Freddie had stood on either side of him their arms looped through his, had been beyond traumatic for the blond. Almost as much as when they had heard John had died in a plane crash earlier that month. The newspapers and tv news had been full of it till the next thing came around to take their interest.

4 Weeks earlier-

Brian and Freddie and given interviews and sheltered Roger from all of it. He's stayed at Freddie's flat and had hardly come out of his room till finally, one day, with red rimmed eyes he announced he had to go back to his flat.

"Please, darling. Not if you're not ready. You can stay here as long as you want." Freddie had pulled the thin, blond drummer close and winced as he felt his ribs under his hands. The drummer had been steadily losing weight since John's passing but they couldn't force him to eat. He'd lost the love of his life and the will to live, himself. Brian and Freddie were sure that if they hadn't kept him closely with them that he could have taken his own life.

"I miss him, Fred," Roger had sobbed against his friends shoulder, "I miss him so much."

"Oh, babe." Freddie held his friend tighter, wishing he could bring John back to him. It was a tragedy. Just when the two young musicians had moved in together to make a life of their own. "If you really want to then I insist on going with you, darling." Freddie held the young man by his shoulders and looked into the red rimmed eyes.

"Okay." Roger nodded and sniffed. "I don't know what I'm suppose to do, Fred. What do I do?" Roger took a gulp of air and looked so lost that the singer felt his heart breaking for him.

"We'll just take it a day at a time, darling. Brian and I will help you." 

The flat that once had seemed so full of light and joy looked bleak now without John to greet him. The bedroom they shared was neat and tidy, the way John had left it before he had left for the flight to Scotland. It was worse seeing it like that than if it had been untidy. The bassist always kept things neat in comparison to his boyfriend who dropped everything as he went. 

"Let's warm the place up, Rog." Freddie had adjusted the thermostat and turned on the gas fire. The flat didn't have much furniture in it as they'd only moved in a month before and were still shopping for stuff.

Roger had wandered over to the double bed and picked up one of John's sweaters that was neatly folded at the end. He'd picked it up and was holding it against his face. He could still smell his boyfriend on it.

Freddie watched him for a moment then left him in peace with his sadness. The singer checked the fridge for anything that needed throwing out and stacked the mail, neatly. He took out anything for John and put it in his jacket pocket to deal with later. 

For a moment the singer felt his eyes get wet and shook his head. He had to keep it together for Roger but he wished Brian was there to help him. The drummer needed both of his best friends, now.

It had been six weeks since John's death. Roger was expecting Brian and Freddie over for dinner and to try and have a normal evening when they didn't have to tip toe around the subject of John and Roger's depression. 

The blond put the finishing touches to the meal he had bought already prepared from the local Italian restaurant. He just had to put it on his own serving dishes, the ones Brian and Freddie had given them as house warming gifts. He stood back and admired his work.

"Looks good, love." Roger turned and smiled at John who was leaning against the counter watching his boyfriend.

"Thanks." Roger looped his hair behind his ears. "Please don't make me laugh or anything when they arrive, yeah?" Roger put his hand on his hips. 

John had somehow managed to come back to him. He was the only one who could see and talk to him. It was his own miracle and he wouldn't question it.

Two weeks before the drummer had been sitting on the floor of the bedroom he had shared with the bassist as he sorted out the younger man's clothes and personal items. Each item he had carefully folded and put in a box. He had put the radio on to keep him company as he worked. Occasionally, he would break down in tears but he kept on with it. 

"Not that one." He heard a voice behind him and stopped folding a shirt, staring at the blank wall in front him. He turned slowly. Was he going crazy? 

"That's my favourite one." John's unmistakable voice. Roger gasped, his eyes growing wide as he could see his boyfriend sitting on the edge of the bed, just like he did every morning. 

"Deaky?" Roger heard his own voice squeak. The other man nodded and held out his arms. Roger rushed forward, hurtling himself into a warm embrace that he never thought he would experience ever again.

"Are you real? Am I dreaming?" Roger sobbed into the familiar shoulder, grasping a handful of the long brown locks that seemed to so real between his fingers.

"Not dreaming." John assured him and stroked the blond hair. "I had to come back, babe." The brunette smiled as Roger felt his arms and legs.

"I'm not dreaming? Really? You're not dead?" Roger's eyes were misty with love.

"I'm not alive, Rog. But I am here." John said quietly. Roger burst into sobs as he slipped to the floor, wrapping his arms around the familiar legs of his lover.

"Please take me with you, Deaky. Please." The blond sobbed and felt the other mans hand stroke his hair gently.

"I can't, love. But I'll be here if you need me, yeah?"

Roger lifted his head and looked into the kind grey eyes. "I don't understand."

"Until you're ready to let me go babe. I won't leave you till then, I promise." John soft voice was like music to the blond's ears. He lay his head back on the brunettes knees and sighed.

"I'll never be ready, Deaky, Never. I love you so much." He held the denim clad legs tighter, afraid to let go. Afraid this really was a dream. "Please don't leave. Please." 

"Come here." John pulled him up to sit next to him. He looked into the sad blue eyes and touched the soft lips with his finger. "I love you, too." 

It had been like a minor miracle to Freddie and Brian when a few days later they saw their friend and his sadness seemed to have lifted and he looked washed and neat and was really trying to converse with them. They had almost gotten used to the mumbling, unkempt Roger of the last few weeks and thanked whatever had caused him to come back to the living, again. If they only knew.

"I wish I could eat it, too. " John frowned and reached for a can of beer. Roger rolled his eyes and wrapped his arms around the bassists warm body. 

"I wish they could see you but I guess they would freak out, yeah?" Roger sighed and nuzzled the warm neck. He didn't question how this was possible. If this was all just his imagination then let it be. It felt real enough to him and he didn't need anyone else to confirm it was real or not. Just to feel John close to him wherever he went. It was like a warm, steady hand on his shoulder each day. He could go to sleep next to him and wake up beside him. He could feel him beside him as he walked down the street. It was enough.

"Don't worry, babe." John always seemed to sense his feelings. Even more now than before. He was inside his head and his heart. The same as before.

Roger had been worried that John had felt any pain after the plane crash and the brunette had assured him he hadn't but his final thought was about Roger and how he wanted him to know how much he loved him.

"I knew Deaky. I always knew. It was never left unspoken." Roger had lain his head against the brunettes chest and fallen asleep. He always seemed to fall asleep immediately after they went to bed and always woke up the same way with his hand held in John's.

But sometimes, he felt that John might think he was okay to be left. That John could go away, again. But his boyfriend would always reassure him he would never leave till Roger was ready.

Roger jumped back when he heard the knock on the door. "There here, Deaks. Please don't pull any faces or tickle me. They'll think I've gone crazy." 

"Crazy in love." John had grinned and smacked the blonds bottom as he turned to answer the door.

"Mmm, smells good, whatever it is." Freddie hugged his friend and handed him two bottles of wine. Brian sniffed the air appreciatively and thought Roger looked much better than he expected. His blond hair was freshly washed and he looked like he had gained a bit more weight and was getting closer to his normal self.

"Well, you know I didn't cook it so you're safe." Roger smiled and looked over at his shoulder to see John leaning against the stereo system. He sighed inwardly. He needed the bassist's presence. 

Freddie frowned, though as he wondered what Roger was looking at. The flat was tidy and had the appearance almost as if John was there to keep it up. Maybe, Roger had turned over a new leaf. 

Brian followed the two friends into the kitchen. He hadn't said anything yet. He had a nagging feeling the the drummers high spirits were fleeting. That he would suddenly collapse into tears and need them. The guitarist had quickly gotten use to being there for the blond after the accident and the funeral. He liked to feel needed but the drummer was giving the impression he didn't need that anymore.

"Great, you used the dishes." Freddie nodded at the display of pasta and antipasto on the plates. "My mom picked those out, you know?" The singer hugged the narrow shoulders. "Looks good, huh, Bri?" 

"Yes." Brian nodded and reached for three wine glasses. It must be his imagination but he could swear he could smell John's after shave close by. Roger never used it before but maybe it made him feel closer to his dead boyfriend. 

"I'm so glad you guys could both come over." Roger smiled and picked up the appetizer plate to take into the living room with them. He could see John out of the corner of his eye sitting on the edge of the desk by the window and smiling at their friends as if they could all see one another.

"You've certainly gotten awfully tidy, darling." Freddie looked around the room and went so close to John that the brunette raised his eyebrows and slid further along the desk. "I see you have some new albums. Been out shopping?" Freddie turned and smiled and walked back to Brian and Roger.

The blond handed them both plates to help themselves and Brian raised his eyebrows, questioningly to the singer as if to say "What next?" but Freddie ignored him. He was so happy Roger was at least trying and doing a good job at it but he could have sworn it had been John who had organized this if he didn't know better.

"So, I know it's early days yet Rog but we should discuss the band soon and you know...?" Freddie couldn't finish the sentence. Roger's apparent normalcy had made him say something that probably had been better kept for a few weeks.

Roger had stared at him and then looked somewhere over the singers head. His blue eyes had filled with tears and Freddie put down his plate and immediately sat next to the blond, wrapping an arm around him.

"Rog, that was thoughtless of me. I'm so sorry, babe. Discussion ended, okay? None of us are ready for that." He kissed the smooth cheek. "Love?" 

Roger nodded and gave a weak smile. John had moved over and was standing behind him now, a gentle hand on his shoulder. The blond took two or three steadying breaths. "Sorry, it's just a bit soon. I thought I was okay, you know?" He apologized and felt Brian's hand on his other shoulder. It was an odd feeling.

"I packed up a lot of Deaky's stuff and there's a few things I think he would want both of you to have." Roger smiled at them. He and John had earlier sorted out a few things of the bassists, mostly memorabilia for the older musicians to take with them.

"That's thoughtful, Rog." Freddie nodded and looked over at Brian who seemed confused by something. 

The rest of the evening, though short was a success as far as the food was concerned and Brian and Freddie left the flat feeling better about their friends emotional health. 

"It was weird though, Freddie." Brian was unlocking the car door. "I just kept feeling that Deaky was there. Weird, huh?"

"Yes, definitely weird, Bri. Don't start going all fey on me now." Freddie smirked. But the singer had noticed something odd, himself. The way Roger would suddenly turn and look at an empty space as if waiting for something. It reminded him of the way the blond would make a remark and then wait for his boyfriend's sarcastic comment after.

"I wish I hadn't brought up the subject of replacing John, though." The singer pulled on his seatbelt. "That was beyond thoughtless." 

Roger had showered and changed into pyjama bottoms. John was already in bed, dressed the same and reading a book. He smiled as the blond snuggled up close to him and sighed. Anyone in the room would only have seen an open book on the side of the bed and the blonds arm wrapped around a pillow, an angelic and peaceful look on his face as he fell asleep. 


End file.
